I love Jesus and believe that Jesus is God. I also believe that for other people, they may know God by a different name and that’s okay. More than okay, that’s interesting and I want to learn more about that. To expect every person on earth to believe in one singular representation of the Creator is not only impossible, it’s abusive and imperialistic. People in other countries do not need to conform to the way dead white British men viewed God. The Bible is not the only book that contains truth. To believe that the dead white British men who compiled the book we know as the Bible did not have a motive or agenda is ignorant.
I don’t believe in Hell. I do not believe that the Creator burns people for all of eternity for not following the rules or loving the Creator. If the choice is “love/follow me or I’ll burn you forever” then that’s not a choice. That is not free will. It terrifies me how oblivious I was to this seemingly obvious truth. If someone holds a weapon against your body and demands your wallet, you can choose not to give it to them. There is a risk that they will use that weapon and harm you, even possibly kill you. You still don’t have the wallet, but now you’re dead. Of course you would give them your wallet. You don’t want to die. Although I considered myself an intellectual Christian who was adept at apologetics, this truth escaped me. Someone who threatens violence against you if you do not return their love and loyalty does not love you. We would call that domestic violence and an abusive relationship. Why is it okay when God does it? For me to reconcile this, I had to relinquish belief in hell. God does not burn people for not following the rules; God is love.
There is nothing wrong with being LGBTQIA+. If you knew how many queer religious people hate themselves and try to conform to heterosexuality, you would agree with me. Studies have shown that for cishet people, religion is usually a balm for this world’s pains. It prevents people from ending their lives. For queer religious people, they are more likely to end their lives. The longer Christians maintain that being queer is evil, perverse, disgusting, wrong, or not in God’s plan, the more people will die. Queer people are who they are and their differences are beautiful. Love between consenting adults is beautiful.
Love is love.
Sex before marriage is not wrong. The idea that you are meant to have sex with one person forever, and that your worth (as a woman) is attached to this concept of “virginity” is extremely harmful. Sex between consenting adults is healthy. In Christianity, there is the conviction that your body does not belong to you, rather it belongs to God. This means that you have to treat your body in a particular way because you are responsible to God for your body. Interestingly enough, this doesn’t translate to food and caffeine. Christians love their coffee and Chick-Fil-A. But choose to have sex with another consenting adult and you’re treating your body poorly. By convincing people (particularly women) that they do not have ownership of their bodies, Christians are able to control them more easily. This bleeds into countless aspects of Christianity. Regarding sex before marriage, women are taught that should they have sex, they are losing something. They have given a priceless gift to someone unworthy (boyfriends are not as special as husbands!!!) and they can never have it back. They are dirty. Their purity has been damaged. They are roses who have lost their petals, cars that have been wrecked, money that has been wrinkled, and a white pair of pants that have been deeply stained. They are not humans who have the agency to choose what to do with their own bodies. They have broken the rules and will always bear the scars of their sin. They will bring this shame into their future marriages and ultimately disappoint their husbands because they did not wait for him.
This is abuse.
Anti-abortion laws are purely meant to force women to bear children against their will and to punish them for having sex. In instances of r*pe or in*est, anti-abortion laws are extreme torture. If a woman can only carry one pregnancy per 9 months, men can cause 2,430 pregnancies during that same time. (https://medium.com/@efuetandatem/one-man-can-impregnate-9-women-every-day-for-9-months-those-are-2-430-pregnancies-cde9a0194f59) Yet, only women’s bodies are being regulated. I do not concur with the idea that men should have forced vasectomies and reverse them when they want children. The point is to maintain bodily autonomy. Rather, this statistic shows that the goal of anti-abortion laws are not for the benefit of children, but for the punishment of pregnant women. If people truly wanted to protect children, they would provide free birth control and contraceptives, proper sex education, and expanded government assistance for mothers.
On another note, women are not the only people who become pregnant. Trans men and non-binary people also become pregnant. Carrying a pregnancy may be contrary to that person’s understanding of their gender and will only cause excruciating mental pain.
My worth is not located in my vagina or what I do with it. The notion that we have to strive for “purity” with our sexuality is bullshit. I can appreciate the desire to live a pure life, if the definition of “purity” is altered. Should purity encompass compassion with self and others, care of Mother Earth, cultivating healthy relationships, truth-telling, patience, kindness, and generosity, then I am an advocate for purity. Unfortunately, Christianity restricts purity to what people (again, particularly women) do with their bodies. They believe that purity can be lost and gained. Should I abstain from sexual expression, I am pure. If I express myself sexually, I am impure. For a religion that disdains Judaism for beliefs about purity and impurity, Christianity certainly is obsessed with it. Christians love remarking that when Jesus (a Jewish rabbi) is touched by the menstruating woman, he remains clean (Matt 9:20-22, Mark 5:25-34, and Luke 8:43-48). In traditional Judaism, her impurity (because of her menstruation) would have imparted to him. But he remains unscathed. Of course menstruation does not cause someone to become impure, but this was the culture at the time. This mentality exists in many places today. If Jesus can be touched by this woman and not be tainted, why can we not be touched by others and remain as we are? Furthermore, if humans do not have to be defined by the binary of pure and impure, then what would our churches do with themselves? They make a killing convincing people that there is something wrong with them that only the church can solve. If having sex did not add or subtract something from a person, the church would lose money. This is why they manipulate people into attending their services, hoping for a cleansing of impurities that do not exist.
Masturbation is not wrong. Enjoy touching yourself and learning about your body. You deserve pleasure. Christians are told that masturbation is a weak substitute for sex with your spouse. They are told that they are selfish when they touch themselves, because sexuality is about serving your spouse with your body. Your spouse owns your body and you own theirs, right? (I Corinthians 7:4) Not only does this belief set the stage for marital abuse and r*pe, it also prevents people (again, women) from learning about their bodies. They are unable to name their genitals let alone know what feels good. If they continue to be denied ownership of their bodies, they are more likely to fall in line and not object to abuse.
Women do not have to cover their bodies to help men avoid lust or sin. It is not my responsibility to ensure that men’s spiritual lives remain on track. If my looks attract you, that’s not a problem. You’re not sinning by noticing beauty and I’m not sinning by wearing whatever I want. Let people be! My body is my own and I choose how to dress it.
I do not have to submit to men or to church leadership. No one is above or below me. We are all equal. While Christians mock Islam for traditionally holding patriarchal beliefs about gender roles, they hold the same beliefs. Men are seen as the head of the household, and the image of Christ. We are to submit to men because they are our leaders. Even if they are making the wrong decisions, as a woman you must gently and tenderly guide him because the ultimate choice is his. The idea that because I am a woman I must submit to a man primes people to accept abuse. As soon as someone question the cult or seeks different answers to their questions, they are told they are “backsliding”, “sinning” and “being deceived by Satan.”
The Evangelical church is adept at abusing people.
Christianity convinces people that the more they trust God, the more money they will give to the church. Ultimately, your money does not belong to you: it’s God’s money. Even if one is struggling to make ends meet, you show God you have faith by giving. You believe that God will provide a way for your family to eat and pay the bills. Is not the job you work or assistance you receive the method of supporting yourself? Why must you give and suffer the stress of not knowing if you will have enough money for the month in order to somehow magically receive money when you need it? This logic is confusing. Is this a money-back guarantee? I asked my ex-pastor for my tithes back, by the way. That was my money! I got them all back. Be empowered to do the same.
Christianity is fascinated by the idea of spiritual levels and growth. People are assumed to be at a low spiritual level when they first “give their lives to Christ.” As they attend more meetings, read and memorize the Bible, look the part, and behave as the cult wishes, then they will advance to the next spiritual level. Once they do, they will be honored with more cult responsibility and the charge to make more cult members. The best cult member is one who performs labor for free. The church will seem to make you a favorite if you give your time to their events. This description of spiritual growth reminds me of Christian Science. Christians reject Christian Science and often point out the abusive nature of the “spiritual level” concept yet they are unable to see they have the exact same model. To pretend that everyone is treated with equal amounts of respect is a delusion.
No one is born bad or evil. My humanity is not sinful or wrong. There is nothing to fix so that I can become acceptable to God. God loves me regardless, because God made me. And She doesn’t make mistakes. Should people believe that they have an impurity to cleanse or brokenness to remedy, then the church remains in business. People do have broken parts that need to be held and healed, but that healing comes through therapy and healthy relationships with many types of people. It does not come from attending one more church meeting, reading one more Christian book, serving in more events, hearing the newest perfectly composed contemporary Christian song, or cutting out one more sinful part of your life. For people who claim to hate ritualistic and legalistic religion, they excel at practicing it. The idea that you are disgustingly sinful and that God can only accept you if you conform to one standard of living is psychological abuse. The concept that God can only look at you though the lens of Jesus’ death means that God doesn’t see us. That God doesn’t want to see us. God sees us for who we are and loves us.
Christians thrive off of people with broken backgrounds. They can smell when someone is insecure, in pain, and lost. They cause people to trauma-bond to the religion and lifestyle by convincing them that they experienced their trauma for a spiritual reason and that God is in control and permitted the pain. That because of our pain, God had a special purpose for us and would reveal in in time. As long as we stuck with the cult and work for the cult without getting paid, we would find a reason for our pain and believe we have been redeemed. Instead of encouraging therapy, Christians teach that the church cult has all the healing power a person needs.
I was raised to believe I was superior and pure because I had never kissed anyone or had sex. This led me to shame my female friends who did explore their sexuality. Of course, it was all in the name of “tough love.” Friends, I am so sorry.
I was raised to believe that being LGBTQIA+ was perverse. I tried to help my queer friends let Jesus heal their sexuality. Friends, I am so sorry. There is nothing wrong with you or your sexuality.
I was raised to believe that my life only had value if I was doing something “for God.” Usually this meant giving up something or suffering to “advance God’s kingdom.” What you want for life didn’t matter. In fact, your natural desires are sinful and wrong. Fight against them or you will miss God’s will for your life.
This is abuse. Now I am 27 and don’t know what I want to do with my life. My choices and desires hold no weight in the evangelical world. When taking “kingdom building” out of the equation, who am I and what am I good at? What would I enjoy doing?
“Dear little me, I’m sorry that it took so long but, baby, you’re free.” – Demi Lovato
Finally at almost 28 years old, I am going to do whatever I want without causing harm to another or myself…and that’s good. I don’t have to strive to earn God’s approval. I don’t have to try and convert my friends. I don’t have to constantly think of ways to improve. I don’t have to suffer on the mission field and deny myself material things. I can choose my own career path, not caring how it “builds the kingdom.” I don’t have to submit to men. I can have sex if I want to, regardless of my marital status. I don’t have to cover my body. I don’t have to get married and have children.
Fuck all of that.
I am free.
Be Set Free,
Gabrielle G
Para Kajol 
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